Humor

An Open Letter To Middle Age

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Dear Middle Age:

I have a few things to say to you. Things that are long overdue and need to be addressed. For instance:

Thanks for the insomnia, and for reminding me that I can’t handle a lack of sleep like I could at the age of 25. Sure, I could trip the light fantastic, get 3 hours of sleep, go to work, re-charge, and do it all over again at that age. These days one night without sleep does me in. But that’s okay, because I’m going to start meditating, drinking chai tea before bed and turning off my iPad at least 2 hours before I go to sleep!

Thanks for the hormonal imbalance and my apparent lack of any testosterone in my body whatsoever. But, now that I know this, I’m going to start taking some very costly bio-identical hormones to fix your little red wagon. Just wait until you see me 3 months from now!

Thanks for the weight gain around the middle (fat) and my inability to get rid of it! It won’t be long, though, and you’ll be long gone. All the stair-climbing, treadmill running and dieting won’t matter. You’ll be sucked out of me quicker than you can say applesauce! That’s what the fat will look like…applesauce…when I have lipo.

How about the extra hair – everywhere? Thanks for this. I love having to wax, shave and pluck places it never seemed possible to even grow hair.  That’s alright, though, because I belong to the Dollar Shave Club! I have all the shaving implements that a girl could ever need.

Thanks for the wisdom. At nearly 50 years old, I’m finally feeling like I know a thing or two. People ask me for advice like I’m a sage.

Thanks for reminding me that I don’t need to worry about what others think of me. It’s none of my business, really, and it’s taken this long to figure that out.

Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to worry so much. I’ve made it this far, and worrying about things over which I have no control isn’t good for anyone, especially me! I’m not alway that good at it, but I’m trying.

Thanks for reminding me that my house doesn’t have to be clean all of the time! Still working on this one, but I think you get the meaning. Now, where is the vacuum?

Thanks for giving me courage. To make decisions, to take care of myself for a change. To take chances. And to speak up when necessary.

Thanks, Middle Age. I guess your’e not so bad after all.

How do you feel about middle age? Tell me your thoughts! I’ll talk to you soon!

Thanks for the image, Bing!

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4 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Middle Age

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